No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
