I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
