I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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