Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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