I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
