oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
