i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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