i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
