They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
