Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
