I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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