he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
