Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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