I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
