They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
