So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
