Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
