sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
