If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
