I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
