Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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