Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
