Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
