Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wish there were birth control emojis
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
