After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
