not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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