Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
