Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I faked an abortion last night.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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