Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
