I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
