it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
