He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
