airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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