you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
