The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
