honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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