Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
