I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
