I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
