You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
