does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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