Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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