Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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