i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
