yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
