she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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