walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
