Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
