My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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