I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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