Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
