I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
