I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
