you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
