He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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