can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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